The Ziwe Zodiac
Caution: woo woo vibes ahead
Well hello there, 💤 Hive!
As modern philosophers Kool and the Gang once said, “Celebrate good times, come on!”
And boy were they right because there are so many reasons to celebrate:
It’s Friday.
It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.
Mercury is officially out of retrograde.
Ok, to be fair, those first two aren’t that novel. But the last one is sort of a big deal if you’re into astrology or at the very least love blaming your psychotic behavior on “mercury being in retrograde.”
If you follow any astrology girlies on socials, you might already know that this past Mercury retrograde was particularly rough for some of us. That's because it happened in Cancer, the most emotional sign of the zodiac.
So to celebrate this astrological reprieve, we thought we’d continue down the woo woo train and irresponsibly assign astrological signs to Ziwe’s guests based on clips and sound bites alone. Short form content wins again!
Let’s jump into it!
Aries — Jaboukie Young-White
Real Sun Sign: Leo | Ziwe Zodiac: Aries
Aries are ruled by Mars, the god of war, meaning this is a sign that isn’t afraid to beef with anyone, including a national, beloved donut chain like Dunkin’ Donuts. Aries is also the first sign of the zodiac, which makes them the pioneers of the bunch and it’s that trailblazing spirit that might’ve helped Jaboukie come up with the iconic phrase “short king” in the first place. So when Dunkin’ stole it and used it as their own, he did what any Aries would do: he went to war. (Fun bonus: Today is his birthday!)
 | A guest post by
|